Kamd50
07-24-2006, 11:37 PM
Subject: Church Bulletins
They're Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
> > >The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
> > >The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
tonight:
> > >"Searching for Jesus."
> > >Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
> > >recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
> > >Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those
> > >things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
> > >The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
> > >conflict.
> > >Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
> > >someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care
much
> > >about you.
> > >Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
> > >Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
> > >obvious pleasure to the congregation.
> > >For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
> > >downstairs.
> > >Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
> > >help they can get.
> > >The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
> > >sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
> > >---------------------------------------------------------------------
> > >Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
> > >church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
> > >---------------------------------------------------------------------
> > >A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
> > >will follow.
> > >At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?"
> > >Come early and listen to our choir practice.
> > >Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
> > >several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
> > >Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled.
> > >Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
> > >Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
> > >person you want remembered.
> > >The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
> > >gracious hostility.
> > >Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
> > >The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
> > >be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
> > >This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
> > >from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
> > >---------------------------------------------------------------------
> > >Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies
> > >are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
> > >The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
> > >lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
> > >Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
the
> > >back door.
> > >The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church
> > >basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
> > >tragedy.
> > >Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
> > >Please use large double door at the side entrance.
> > >The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan
> > >last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
:angel: :laughing:
They're Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
> > >The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
> > >The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
tonight:
> > >"Searching for Jesus."
> > >Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
> > >recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
> > >Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those
> > >things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
> > >The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
> > >conflict.
> > >Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
> > >someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care
much
> > >about you.
> > >Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
> > >Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
> > >obvious pleasure to the congregation.
> > >For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
> > >downstairs.
> > >Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
> > >help they can get.
> > >The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
> > >sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
> > >---------------------------------------------------------------------
> > >Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
> > >church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
> > >---------------------------------------------------------------------
> > >A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
> > >will follow.
> > >At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?"
> > >Come early and listen to our choir practice.
> > >Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
> > >several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
> > >Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled.
> > >Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
> > >Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
> > >person you want remembered.
> > >The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
> > >gracious hostility.
> > >Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
> > >The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
> > >be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
> > >This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
> > >from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
> > >---------------------------------------------------------------------
> > >Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies
> > >are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
> > >The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
> > >lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
> > >Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
the
> > >back door.
> > >The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church
> > >basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
> > >tragedy.
> > >Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
> > >Please use large double door at the side entrance.
> > >The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan
> > >last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
:angel: :laughing: